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September 30, 2024
Sophia's* phone dinged. Out of habit, she swiped it open and read.
A phone. A moment. That’s all it takes. Even with safeguards in place, a predator was through the door.
Sophia had originally met this person on a popular game forum where they established common ground. When the predator asked to move to Discord, a private messaging app, Sophia agreed. Although forewarned not to chat privately on Discord, Sophia was starting to develop a relationship with this person and wanted to continue talking—there was a spark of excitement. What teen wouldn't be when someone takes a special interest in them?
Now aware that they were conversing with a student, possibly a minor, the predator's focus shifts to pinpointing Sophia's location.
The predator is slick. Probing questions are wrapped in a blanket of feigned concern for Sophia's wellbeing. Over the course of several days, the predator manipulatively escalates the conversation.
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The predator demands privacy and undivided attention, while offering up false flattery to reinforce compliance. Their next calculated move is to feign vulnerability to lower Sophia's defences, coaxing her to reveal personal details.
Sensing a struggle, the predator pounces. While masquerading as an emotional refuge, the predator cunningly extracts information. They're establishing a sense of trust and fulfilling the natural desire for connection.
Eventually, the predator casually drops in a question about kissing—showing their desire to move the conversation into a more s*xual direction.
*Names and minor details changed for privacy. Informed consent given.
“Traffickers are experts at finding those moments when people are vulnerable, of working the angles, of manipulating reality and leveraging fears.” ~Polaris Project
This process is called grooming, which is a calculated and deliberate tactic used by traffickers and exploiters to create an emotional connection with their targets, in order to manipulate, exploit and control—all while avoiding detection.1
Contrary to popular belief, human trafficking rarely begins with a stranger or violent kidnapping; instead, it frequently starts with someone the victim knows and trusts, even cares for. Perpetrators often pose as friends or romantic interests, creating a false sense of trust and security. This grooming process can happen between minors, appear non-s*xual and target people of any age.
While individual experiences are unique, there are common stages identified by researchers and practitioners.2
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Grooming can progress quickly, happening in mere hours, or take months and the stages are not always linear. For example, a trafficker may revert back to love bombing after exploiting an individual, which is confusing for the victim. It’s a dance the trafficker is navigating, all with the aim of gaining control and exploiting.
Shame, self-blame and isolation often intensify as exploitation continues, making it difficult for victims to leave or disclose their situation. Despite the ab*se, the grooming process may result in victims having strong emotional ties to the trafficker (trauma bonding), complicating their ability to exit.
“Where children play, predators play,” warns Donna Rice Hughes, CEO of Enough Is Enough. With technology making youth more accessible while concealing offenders’ identities, understanding online exploiters’ tactics is crucial.
These predators typically scout popular platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, and Roblox for young users who share personal information, display emotional distress, or appear lonely, exploiting these vulnerabilities as manipulation entry points.
Traffickers often create fake profiles, posing as peers with compelling backstories to build trust and establish connections. They initiate conversations with multiple users, focusing on those who engage the most and leveraging target's friends to feign familiarity. As the connection grows, the predator will isolate the target by undermining their support system.
Continuously building trust, traffickers extract personal information and introduce s*xual content to gauge targets' experiences and desensitize them.
This manipulation tightens control over victims, causing significant psychological harm, regardless of whether grooming and exploitation occur online or in person. As grooming techniques intensify, it’s crucial for parents and caregivers to recognize the warning signs that a child or teen might be a victim of grooming. These indicators include:
You’ve already talked to your child about online safety (right?—if not, go do that now), but something feels off. You spot one of the red flags and now either want to throw all technology in the garbage (or is that just me?) or wonder—what do I do next?
Also, please know that you can mitigate the harmful consequences (e.g. self-harm, depression) of exploitation by providing supportive and positive responses to the situation and providing opportunities to attend counselling.
Empowering our children with knowledge and skills is crucial to navigating today's challenges. By gradually introducing them to potential dangers and fostering an open, supportive environment, we enable them to face the world confidently upon reaching adulthood. Striking a balance between awareness and support helps create a safe space for growth, ensuring our children are well-prepared without instilling anxiety or fear.
After the predator started asking questions about kissing, Sophia grew uncomfortable. She courageously said so and asserted that she should go, ending the conversation. Despite the predator’s attempts to keep her texting, Sophia trusted her instincts and ceased all communication.
Her parents commended and reinforced Sophia's sound judgment, ensuring she felt supported and empowered. Although alarmed this happened, they maintained composure and continued to foster open communication while closely monitoring her online interactions. This experience provided valuable opportunities to further discuss topics like grooming, online exploitation, and human trafficking, ultimately strengthening Sophia's resilience and awareness.
If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this article, great job! Now it's time to talk to your kids about the grooming process.
Please share this article with a friends and family. Let's empower our communities to safeguard, intervene and prevent exploitation.
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